


Broken

by MysticMoonlight_04



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon), 悪魔城ドラキュラ | Castlevania Series
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Introspection, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 21:08:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21362716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticMoonlight_04/pseuds/MysticMoonlight_04
Summary: Alucard's mental state is falling apart. He tries to stay strong for his companions, but sometimes you just have to let it go.
Kudos: 28





	Broken

“You are Treffy now,” Sypha said as she started laughing.

“Don’t—” replied Trevor, who was unable to hold back his own laugh. He covered his face with his hand in embarrassment, and there was a moment of silence before the two burst into laughter again.

Alucard was nearby, separated from Sypha and Trevor by a bookshelf. He was trying his best to go through the massive amounts of information before him, but he was suddenly overwhelmed with hopelessness and sorrow. He heard laughter from his companions, and he felt alone and neglected. Although he was only a few feet away from them, he felt as if he was distant and disconnected.

Trevor, Sypha, and Alucard were all in the Belmont Hold, looking for information on Dracula’s Castle. They were currently working their way through the seemingly endless amount of bookshelves, searching for any bit of information that could help them on their quest. So far, they didn’t have much luck, but that didn’t deter them from their task at hand. Sypha and Trevor did sometimes try to sneak some fun into the process, though. Alucard was always somewhere else, brooding and keeping to himself, so they kept their distance most of the time, and tried not to bother him. This time was different.

As Sypha turned to lead Trevor to the next bookshelf of information, she sensed that something was wrong. She heard a small, but deep, sigh, coming from behind the bookshelf to her left. 

“What is it?” Trevor asked, when Sypha started walking towards the shelf.

“Shh,” she said quietly, waving her hand behind her to signal for Trevor to be quiet and stay back. 

Sypha slowly peeked around the corner, and she saw Alucard leaning with his back against the bookshelf, sitting with his knees to his chest. His face was buried in his gloved hands, and he looked distraught. It was a sight that Sypha wished she would never have to see again. It was heartbreaking.

“Alucard?” Sypha asked quietly.

Alucard did not move, but took in a much-needed deep breath instead. “Yes, Sypha?”

“Are...you okay?” Sypha responded. 

“Yes, I...I am fine,” Alucard replied, as Trevor stepped in behind Sypha. Alucard still did not lift his face from his hands.

“Come on, Alucard. What’s the matter?” Sypha pressed.

“It is nothing, Sypha. Really, I am just...tired,” Alucard responded, but with hesitation. 

“Look at me,” said Sypha.

“Pardon?” asked Alucard.

“I said look at me, Alucard,” Sypha said, this time with a harder edge in her tone. 

Alucard winced slightly. He turned his head the smallest amount possible, so that his position allowed him to just barely see Sypha. He didn’t take his hands away from his face, and his hair was mostly in the way of the part of his face that Sypha could see. She was about to say something, but Alucard was satisfied with the fact that he had looked at her, so he returned his face to his cupped hands. Sypha sighed, knowing that both Alucard and Trevor were very stubborn, and there was not much that she could do about it. 

“Someone’s a bit gloomy today,” said Trevor. “Oh, wait, it’s like this every day.” 

Sypha shot him a look. True, Alucard wasn’t the cheerful type, but today something was off. She just knew that something was wrong. 

“Just leave me be. Please,” Alucard said, his voice muffled in his gloves. “I just...need a moment to myself.”

Alucard was afraid that his companions—well, Sypha at least—would keep trying to probe and get answers out of him, but everything went silent. Alucard didn’t hear them leave, but he thought to himself that he just must have not been paying attention. He had other things to worry about, like why he was feeling this way all of a sudden. He was doing just fine bottling up all of his emotions up until now. This was _not _the time to be having a breakdown. Not here. Not now. Not anytime soon. He had a mission to complete, and people to protect. Alucard thought that Sypha and Trevor had left, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder. The sudden touch made him jump. 

“Alucard, you can tell me what’s wrong. It’s okay,” said Sypha. 

She made it sound so simple, but Alucard couldn’t begin to explain what was wrong. Everything was wrong. He was having second thoughts about what he was doing. Why he was here. A voice inside him was telling him that all of this was his fault. If he had been there when his mother had died, he could have prevented this. All of it. If only he had helped his poor mother and stopped her from burning to death that night. None of this would have happened. Why wasn’t he there? His father never would have been a problem. Dracula’s armies were attacking and killing innocent people because his only love had burned at the stake. Burned, because Alucard wasn’t there to prevent it. Why wasn’t he there? This was all his fault. Alucard’s breath hitched, and he couldn’t stop the tears from falling down his face. He tried to hide it, but to little avail. 

“Aw, is the vampire upset because my family killed his people all those years ago?” Trevor asked, referring to the vampire skulls in the display cases that Alucard had seen earlier.

“Trevor, shut up!” Sypha yelled at him. “Now is _not _the time! There is something really bothering Alucard, and it’s tearing him apart. Are you really _that _tactless?!”

Trevor was slightly taken aback at Sypha’s sudden fury. He didn’t think that it was that big of a deal. Alucard said stuff like that to him all the time. Trevor would shoot insults right back at him, and Sypha would just roll her eyes at the two children that she had to deal with. But Trevor had to admit, Alucard’s behavior was a little out of the ordinary. Something must really be wrong.

“Sypha, I...I’m sorry...” said Trevor as he rubbed the back of his neck and looked down in shame.

“It’s okay, Trevor,” Sypha said with a sigh, her hand still resting on Alucard’s now trembling shoulder. “Talk to me, Alucard. You’re worrying me.”

The only response that she got was Alucard’s slight gasps for breath as he started to sob. Alucard realized with horror that he was crying like a child in front of Sypha and Trevor. He was supposed to guide them on their quest. He was their leader, in a sense, and he was having a breakdown. He tried as hard as he could to stop the tears, the gasps for breath, but he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t stop. The tears kept flowing, and they wouldn’t stop. The group was wasting time, and again, it was all his fault. Alucard just wanted to disappear and never return. He wanted to return to Gresit so he could sleep again and never wake up. His guilt and grief were weighing heavy on his heart, and he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He couldn’t take it any longer. 

Trevor walked over to the two on the floor, and knelt down beside them. 

“This...this is all...my fault,” Alucard said between sobs. 

“Alucard, what do you mean?” Sypha asked gently, now rubbing Alucard’s back in an effort to comfort his broken heart.

“I...I should have been there for my mother that night. I...I could have saved her. I could have prevented all of th-this. If...if only I was there f-for my mother when she n-needed me most...” Alucard gasped out between more sobs. He finally lifted his head from his hands. Both his face and his gloves were soaked with an endless amount of tears. He looked Sypha in the eyes, sorrow filling his own. 

“I...I could have saved her,” Alucard repeated, and he broke again. 

Sypha had never seen anyone so broken, so lost, so full of grief. It broke her heart to see Alucard like this, believing that everything that had happened to the innocents was all his fault. What a terrible thing to have weighing down on one’s heart, but it was present on Alucard’s. 

“Alucard...” Sypha started, not exactly knowing how to respond to his words, but she tried her best. “This is _not _your fault. _None of this_ is your fault. You couldn’t have known what would happen. You cannot have this mentality in your head, it will tear you apart...aside from the damage it is already doing to your heart. You are full of sorrow and grief and regret, and these emotions are breaking you. You need to know that this is not your fault.”

Trevor watched awkwardly, not really knowing what to do in this situation. 

“We...need you, Alucard,” Trevor finally said. “You can help us save countless lives if you can get us to Dracula. We can take him down, and the innocents won’t have to die anymore.”

Alucard listened to his companions’ words, but he did not respond. He appreciated their efforts in consoling him, and they helped a little, but there was still something nagging in his heart, and it was eating away at the rest of him. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, so instead he rested his head back on the bookshelf hopelessly and continued to let the tears stream silently down his face, wondering when they would stop. He closed his eyes and breathed shakily, trying to cease the crying. Alucard imagined that he would drown in his tears before he could finally get them to stop. Sypha took his hand in hers, and squeezed it reassuringly, not quite being able to fathom what he was feeling at the moment. Alucard’s entire body was now trembling uncontrollably, but there was nothing that he could do about it. He felt so...empty. His entire consciousness told him that what he was doing was wrong—that killing his own father was wrong. He wouldn’t have anybody left after that, and he would just wander around for the rest of eternity with no purpose. That was no way to live. He might as well be dead. 

Alucard suddenly felt arms wrap around his shaking form. He tensed up, not used to the physical contact that Sypha was providing in the form of an embrace. Alucard dropped his knees away from his chest as Sypha pulled him closer to her. She stroked his long pale-blonde hair down his back in an attempt to comfort him.

“You do not need to worry about anything, Alucard,” she said. “None of this is your fault. We are here for you, and we are here to save the innocents. You do not need to doubt yourself. We are doing good for the world.”

Alucard’s gasps calmed to deep, shaky breaths as he listened to the Speaker. He was reminded of his mother in that moment. His mother was always there for him when he was upset as a child. She would wrap him in her warm embrace, and make him feel like there was nothing to be worried about. He felt safe in his mother’s arms—safe in a way that he would never be able to feel again. Alucard sobbed once more.

“I know that Dracula is your father,” Sypha continued. “But he is not the same man that he once was. He _hurt _you Alucard. Hurt you to the point where you had to sleep for a year to recover. That is not love. He was blinded by rage, and he will not stop until the human race is extinct. We are the only ones who can prevent that. _You _are the only one who can prevent that.”

Alucard held on to Sypha’s robes weakly, completely drained of energy. He listened carefully to Sypha’s words, trying to grasp on to what she was saying. His sobs died down until he had only a few tears left. He felt a firm hand on his shoulder—Trevor’s hand. 

“You’re all right, Alucard,” the hunter said. 

Sypha ran her hand down Alucard’s back and through his hair again, before he sat up and looked her in the eyes. 

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

Sypha smiled at him, and Alucard turned to look at Trevor. He gave a small nod to the Belmont, and Trevor smiled as well. Sypha took Alucard’s hand and brushed a tear from his face with her thumb. 

“Are you okay now?” she asked.

Alucard thought about Sypha’s question for a moment. His situation was not perfect—his mother was gone, and he would still have to kill his father—but in the end, he was saving humanity, which is what his mother would have wanted. 

“Yes,” he said finally, and he gave a small smile.


End file.
